Wow.

Lots of memories, all of a sudden-like.

I dated this guy, before the loser that stood me up at the altar. His name was Matt, too. We actually called them "Big Matt" and "Little Matt." Shelby coined those nicknames (she was 3).

So anyway, "Little Matt" (which he totally didn't appreciate being called) and I started dating when I was 16.

Now, this is one of those times that I'm probably broadcasting something I shouldn't be, but I need to work this out of my head, so bear with me.

We were together for a year, which wasn't a huge great big long time, but it was still significant. But here's the deal. This guy played a MAJOR part in the person I've become. For real.

You know how you have that ONE guy that really sticks out in your mind from when you were younger? Maybe you got him, and maybe you didn't, but there's ONE. Well, he's that one.

I was comparing his My Space profile to mine, and they match (yeah, yeah - I know, My Space is lame). I mean, a ton of stuff is exactly the same. After I thought about it, I realized it was the same because he introduced me to all of these things. Authors, movies, music - all of these things that supplement who *I* am - these were all things that he was very deeply involved in, and made sure that I experienced them, too. These are things that I still love. He introduced me to Quentin Tarantino movies (Reservoir Dogs, baby, and hello - I got Mike the anniversary collector's edition!), Pink Floyd music (ok, I already liked it, but he made me FEEL it), fantasy books, fantasy games, Heinlein (who is seriously one of my all-time favorite authors!), I could just keep going and going.

He's the one person in my life that I ever felt *sparks* with - and yes, I'm referring to that physical feeling of being electrified. He made me believe in magic on so many different levels. It was the first "mature" relationship I was ever in - one where I didn't attempt to control the other person, and where we both felt secure enough to continue to lead our own lives while still being committed to each other.

Mike can tell me minute by minute about the day that we met. He can repeat our first conversation verbatim. I don't remember it. I don't remember any of it! I remember watching his band perform, and being introduced to them afterward. He tells me all the time about the extensive conversation we had - his career, my career, his degree, my lack of one. I got nothing.

But I could talk for hours about the year that I spent with Matt Maddy. I could tell you about the places we went, and the people we met, and the movies we saw, and the music we listened to, and the feelings I felt, and the emotions I experienced.

Now before you go thinking something crazy, don't worry - I'm not going there. Michael Mabin is the love of my life. No doubts - I'm just taking a trip down memory lane for a minute.

I'm wondering if it's because I was 16. Is everything magical when you're 16? I feel like I'm on this roller coaster ride right now, remembering all of these things.. blueberry peppermint pancakes; watching the sun come up; visiting his grandparents' ranch and seeing him come alive; riding shotgun in his MG (cause duh, there's no backseat) and looking up at the stars.

Makes me happy to remember it - not because I want to go back there, but because it was a good time. Wonderful time. And it made me who I am, so it has to be a good thing, right?