The Truest Thing You'll Ever Read

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that one good turn gets most of the blankets.

I've learned that no matter how much you care, some people are just jackasses.

I've learned that it takes years to build trust, and it only takes suspiscion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourselves to others - they are more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

I've learned that it is not "what" you wear - it's how you take it off.

I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.

I've learned not to sweat the petty things, and not to pet the sweaty things.

I've learned that ex's are like funguses and keep coming back.

I've learned that age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

I've learned that I don't suffer from insanity - I enjoy it.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I've learned that artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

I've learned that 99% of the time, when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it.

I've learned that there is a fine line between genius and insanity.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. The real pains in the ass are permanent.