Laying it on the line here.. I'm feeling moody. It's PMS week, and it's my birthday week, so the combination of the two are not making me happy. I'm feeling introspective and retrospective and just about any other spective you can think of. I've been watching re-runs of the Muppet Show. I've been glued to the Fraggles at home. Listening to The Urge and Kasey Chambers and Alanis and Pearl Jam and Nirvana.
Am I missing something? Cause it really feels like it.. like there's something else that I just skipped right over. I think my brain is saying, "Ok, Sara, let's just roll back in time and maybe we'll realize where we left off."
I have this recurring dream that I'm not going to graduate from high school. I've been having it since I was 21. It started right after Matt and I broke up, and I know what it was about then - I felt like a failure. Like everything I had set out to do (marry him, have babies, yadda yadda) didn't matter, and the 3 years since I *had* graduated didn't mean anything, so there I was, back at square one, and not feeling like I was where I was supposed to be in life.
So I kept having that dream over and over and over again, and the reason varies - didn't take the right gym class, failed Algebra miserably, didn't show up on time for Home Ec like 8 times - but it's always the same dream. Sorry, you don't get to graduate. It stopped for a couple of years when I met Mike, but it's back again, and this week I've been having it every single night. Now don't get me wrong - I'm a happy camper. I'm not moping or questioning my lot in life. It just seems like something's not quite right, and I'm wondering what the heck it is.
Does that make any sense? Anyone else ever have those feelings?
And how is it that I've seen this movie so many millions of times and I don't own it? I think I'm buying it this week. My birthday present to myself. Shhh.. don't tell Mike.
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I can totally relate to the recurring dream thing. Mine isn't failing high school. I'm in high school and haven't had a boyfriend for over a year! For some reason it just makes me feel so sad. I wonder what it means. Aren't dreams just the wierdest things. And when they are recurring like that, it really makes you wonder what it is that your supposed to figure out about them.
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