I lost a friend today, and my heart is breaking.
There's something deep-seated in me that has always believed that once people got to know me - the real me - they'd realize what a complete fraud I was, and they wouldn't want to be around me anymore.
I've made and lost a lot of friendships in the last couple of years, and each time a friendship is lost, I go back to being seven years old again, and thinking that I should sit on the sidelines on the playground. If I actually got up and made friends, then I would have to open up, and they would just leave when they figured out who I really was.
I dunno why I'm even typing this out publicly, except that blogging is a good way to sort out your thoughts, right?
I'm exhausted, and I can't keep up anymore. It's just too much.
