Caught a Ride with the Moon

I've been thinking about those that I've loved and lost, and when I get in these moods, I have to take my girl with me. My love affair with this woman began when I was just 15 and had no idea how wonderful - and devastating - it was to be female.

As silly as it sounds, this music helped form the person I am today. She was singing "God, sometimes you just don't come through" when, at 15, I was asked to go to prom with someone from a different school and then left at the table while he danced with his ex-girlfriend (turns out I was there to make her jealous).

When I was 16, she told me in no uncertain terms that whether Blake Washer loved me or not, it was still a "Pretty Good Year." At 17, she seemed to understand that I could date all of these boys around me, but the one I wanted just wasn't there (Boys for Pele).

When I was 18 and faced an unplanned pregnancy right before graduation, she was beside me, "Doubting if there's a woman in there somewhere.."

I was 19 when I realized for the first time that the man I had given everything to didn't truly want me. She told me there was "no sign of a parachute in this little chapel of love," but I didn't listen.

We had a long talk about my "Northern Lad" at 20, and how "you've got to know when it's time to turn the page." I still didn't listen.

At 21, he had my tears in his hand. Nothing could have prepared me for this. I listened as she put words to everything I was feeling - all the world just stopped now, so you say you don't want to stay together anymore. Let me take a deep breath, babe. She insisted for me that there were pieces of me he'd never seen, and that this new girl was simply the pieces of me he'd never seen. She took me out of the "haze that clouded up my mind," and finally, told me it was time to wave goodbye.

We did an awful lot of withdrawing after that. For two years I refused to let anyone in, terrified that I would be right back in that same place, and determined not to let anyone hold my tears in their hands again.

When Mike came along, the song "Cooling" became my best friend. "So then I thought I'd make some plans, but fire thought she'd really rather be water, instead." This song and I were so close.. once again, she knew exactly what I was going through. All the hesitation, all the baggage, all the uncertainties.

On my wedding day, I listened to "Jackie's Strength" over and over again. I was surprised to be walking down the aisle. I always assumed that when this day came, I would be running away from the church in my wedding dress. Just like Tori, I'd make my way to a 7 Eleven and plop down on the curb with my Slurpee ("I got lost on my wedding day"). When my maid of honor showed up in our dressing room, she said, "I can't believe you're actually here. I really thought I was going to have to start searching 7 Eleven's."

What is it about her? Somehow, this woman has managed to blend femininity with power and she does it so, so well. She's the kind of person you would be nervous about introducing your husband to simply because she's impossible to resist. This isn't background music, I'm talking about here - this is lose-yourself-completely-in-it music, and thank God for it, because I'd have gotten lost long ago without it.