Married to the Mabins

Everyone has that ONE THING about their spouse that really drives them crazy. Mine is lighters.

Mike is a smoker. Now obviously, as a non-smoker, I would prefer that he didn't smoke. It doesn't, however, bother me as much as it would other people. He doesn't do it in the house, he keeps it away from Zion - I really can't complain about it.

HOWEVER. What really PISSES ME OFF about it is that he STEALS ALL OF THE LIGHTERS. It drives me up a wall. I want to light a candle - what do I do? Go to my personal lighter stash. OOPS. SORRY. MIKE'S ALREADY BEEN THERE AND THEY'RE ALL FREAKING GONE.

I've tried everything. I bought them in bulk at Sam's Club. He took them all, one at a time. I bought a box of 1000 books of matches. All gone. Left little used matches all over the place, too.

Yesterday, I bought him a new really cool lighter, hoping that he would leave the one I had on the shelf to light candles alone. Today, I called him at work and told him I needed one..

He tells me to go downstairs and find ("somewhere in the living room") the lighter that is also a knife. Also a knife? And it's "somewhere in the living room?" Do ya think that's safe with Zion running around? Ok.. pick your battles, Sara..

THEN, he says, venture down into the dungeon - oops, I mean basement that he REFUSES TO CLEAN - and find the BUTANE and turn the lighter upside down and fill it up with butane. THEN YOU CAN LIGHT YOUR FREAKING CANDLE.

The man leaves his dirty socks on my kitchen counter - I can handle that. Little 409 takes care of that pretty quick. I can handle that he refuses to do dishes. I can even handle that when he sweeps, he pushes it under the rug.

I swear, if I go buy another lighter tonight and it disappears tomorrow, I'm divorcing him.